First of all, what is intimacy? Intimacy is not sex. It can be part of intimacy, and as you look into your lover’s eyes as you make love, for sure that is intimate, but sex and intimacy are not synonymous. One can quite easily have sex and not have intimacy.

Happiness and intimacy are intertwined. Think about this one? Who are the happiest people you know? The ones that are truly thriving? Do you think they’re just having sex, or do you think they are experiencing intimacy? I bet my bottom dollar that they have intimacy. They have people that they can share their lives with, people whom they build genuine caring and sharing relationships with.

We can happily live without sex, we can live without fancy things, our beach houses, we can forgo amazing vacations, but we can’t live happily without intimacy. Our desire for happiness is indeed a desire for intimacy. The kind of deeply fulfilling connective kind that fills our hearts because without intimacy we are just a shell of what we could be.

How do we achieve intimacy with our partner? To be truly intimate you have to lay yourself bare. We have to be willing to take off our masks and let down our guard. We have to be vulnerable and allow him to see you as you are, all your flaws, your insecurities, our strengths and talents, and our potential. We have to be brave enough to risk that if he really knew you, he wouldn’t love you. We all want to desperately love and be loved but it is meaningless if they don’t love you for who you are right now. Not the woman you want to be, but who is standing right in front of them. We can only truly be loved if we are honest and reveal who we are. To experience intimacy and to reject loneliness you have to allow him to know who you are. It is only then we can let go of those sneaky thoughts of. “If he only knew the real me” and it is only then you can be at peace and find true intimacy. 

Intimacy means allowing someone into our heart, body and soul and trusting someone with the knowledge of you that if they betrayed you it would emotionally devastate you. It’s only when you allow yourself to completely give yourself to another that you can start to experience true love. 

Deep within all of us is our story. The story that is the very fabric of our being. When we are open and share that story with the one we love, that’s when we allow intimacy to thrive. It’s important to remember your story with your partner. In the beginning, it’s all fresh, and you can’t wait to enthusiastically tell your story, how you met, how you fell in love. Over the years the eagerness to tell the story dwindles. Don’t forget to cherish what uniquely defines you as a couple, be protective of your relationship and don’t lose sight of why you were so crazy for each other in the first place. It’s the people that lose sight of their story that start to lose that intimacy that is key to what’s important on their relationship. 

How to build intimacy

1)Intimacy building is an action. You can’t take it for granted. If you are right in the early stages of a dating relationship, then you need to put the work in. Random texts to connect with your interest, they send the message that you are thinking of them and that they are significant to you. At the very start, sending a strong message that you are interested, and engaging them daily with texts and/or calls is a good start to lay a foundation of intimacy.

2) Open up. No, I don’t mean tell your deepest darkest secrets on the first date. A little mystery never did anyone harm, but let them in a little. Share where you need help, or what a weakness of your is. A strong man with attraction for you will want to advise you and feel like he wants to help you. It’s his instinctual protective nature that will draw him emotionally closer and make him crave more intimacy.

3) Remember, intimacy is a choice. We all want it in our lives and we can manifest it and invite it in. Do you ever wonder why it is if you think abundantly, you receive abundance, and when you think of shortfalls, suddenly money is tight? Think of the most beautiful relationship and how it would feel to have a man love and want to make you so happy. Where he puts your best interests first. It’s not a competition, but a real partnership. It’s all a choice. The choice to sacrifice selfishness, and to make your partner feel like he has won the lottery with you because of the way you let him into your life without caution, and how you make him feel.