WHEN HE DOESN’T WANT A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP
What do you do when you meet a man, hit it off immediately, and the sparks fly? There’s only one slight problem. He doesn’t live in your state, maybe even the other side of the country. What do you do when you’re willing to give it a shot because you know that what you have together is very rare and very special? But he isn’t willing to take that risk. I know that one would automatically assume that’s because there’s another woman in his life, or he’s really not into you, but in your heart you know that’s not true. He scared and the fear is preventing him from wanting to explore the options. He can tell you every reason in the book why he thinks it’s not a good idea, and yes you want to come from a place where you shrug your shoulders and say, “Whatever”, but the nagging feeling that you are letting someone go that very well might be “the one” makes you want to stand your ground and fight.
So if you don’t want to be a wilting daisy, you need to get your counter-arguments well prepared.
1) Work out how much time you can realistically see each other?
How much flexibility between you do you have? If you both work 9-5 jobs, Monday-Friday, then for sure it’s going to take a toll if you have to fly. By the time you get there, you are only going to have one day and two nights. If one of you is self-employed, can you travel and work remotely? It’s a good test when you’re dating to see if you can communicate well. Be realistic, and set clear expectations from the beginning.
2) Explore the benefits of a long-distance relationship
With great communication, a couple can actually spend more quality time together than those couples that live in the same town. I had a boyfriend once that I only saw once a week, and when I did see him, it wasn’t special. He didn’t last very long! So let’s say you have the flexibility and fly in on a Friday night, and you spend all of Saturday and Sunday together and fly out Monday morning, and you can do that twice a month. That’s 6 nights and four whole days together a month of QUALITY time. Yes, if carefully managed, you can spend time really growing together, and keep the relationship fresh by thinking up new things to do together. It still gives you time to cook together, take walks together and really get to have incredibly meaningful and precious time together. It’s easier not to take someone for granted when you don’t see them almost daily.
3) You get time to be independent
It’s a good thing to spend time apart, pursuing your own interests, friends and just having alone time. It’s also okay to miss someone. Time by yourself to concentrate on your family, your career, to enjoy hobbies. It’s a good and healthy thing in a relationship, and all too often when you live near to each other you don’t get enough space. Use the space that the distance causes to your advantage. When you are happy and fulfilled you are a better partner.
4) You get to know each other very well
When you’re apart, you have to connect…and when you talk on the phone you really get to know one another. Look what this dear person told me:
5) The relationship is more than just the physical
A long-distance relationship needs to be strong on all levels. It is going to based on more than the physical. You have the opportunity to really grow a very strong bond and grow on an emotional level far quicker than a relationship that initially is based on physical attraction. LDR’s can create a higher level of intimacy. You are often more mindful of what you want from the relationship and two people that love each other will often be deeply intimate emotionally and physically. Being attracted to someone for the shared values, ease, comfort, and great communication is not an iron-clad guarantee for a successful relationship, but it certainly helps.
6) People in LDR’S have superior communication skills
We all know that good communication is the key to a successful relationship. Very often, couples in a LDR build stronger communication with each other. They realize that their time together is important and fleeting, so they make the most of it, and don’t squabble over things that detract from their quest for a healthy relationship. They don’t take their time together for granted. It is precious.
7) They teach us to be patient and trusting
We live in a world of instant gratification, but a LDR teaches us patience because it isn’t immediate. The person isn’t there to drop in on, we have to learn to wait until they are available. It stabilizes you and makes you aware of what is really important and what isn’t. When you are patient in a long-distance relationship you are not only nurturing love but you are fostering the growth of your own character.
Mostly, you are interdependent rather than dependant. This fosters a healthy and balanced relationship that has a good chance at longevity.
You know what I believe? I believe that the hard things we have to work for are often the things worth having most in our lives. If you are brave enough to go for a LDR, then convince your partner that if he tries he may very well be rewarded with a woman that loves him so much that she will remain faithful and loyal and work harder at this relationship than anyone she’s had prior.
If your love can stand the test of a LDR, then you know that you can withstand anything. It truly is a measure of commitment, trust and love, and if you are looking for a life partner and you can weather a long-distance relationship, then you have hit gold. See it as a blessing not a curse. See it as an opportunity. An opportunity for self-growth, and an amazing connective journey together. Lastly, remember, distance is not forever. When you know you are meant for each other, then when circumstances change, you’ll find a way to be together. Love has a magical way of creating a path for itself.