How to avoid toxic men
Are you like me? Do you have a pattern of attracting narcissistic, toxic men into your life? Why are we attracted initially to this type of man?
I know my Achilles heel. I am initially attracted to strong alpha-men. Don’t get me wrong, I am not labeling all strong, divinely confident men as narcissists, but I have definitely had my fair share of controlling men in my life.
To break the cycle, you have to acknowledge the pattern. You have to literally sit down with a pen and paper and write out the men you have had relationships with. How many of them were controlling, selfish, narcissistic? I was shocked by the common traits of the men that I was initially attracted to. The reason I say initially attracted to because in each of those relationships, I was craving something else, something that not one of those men had on a consistent basis.
I desired a man that made me feel good about myself, rather than doubt myself. I wanted a man that would delight in building me up rather tearing me down. That he would love me enough, that he wanted to see me succeed, because my success was his success, and he wouldn’t feel threatened by it. A man that sometimes would sacrifice to put my needs first, or would make an effort for me rather me always making the effort for him.
I desired a man that was kind and generous. One that didn’t get a high from controlling me, but was secure enough to know that when I commit, I commit, and you don’t need to keep me on a tight leash. I was ashamed to be with a man that everyone that I loved and valued in my life disliked and I was mortified at the frequency I felt, “ Why do I allow him to treat me this way?”
It’s an addiction, but even addictions can be beat.
What would your recovery look like? Write them down:
- Would you feel happier?
- Would you sleep better?
- Would you start being more sociable and going out with friends again?
- Would you feel less restrained and freer to be more successful and limitless?
Addictions lie to you. You’ll tell yourself that “He’s really not so bad.” Don’t all men lie and cheat? Who knows how long it will be before I meet someone else?
You are better off single than in a relationship with a toxic man. You deserve the time to rather work on yourself than constantly worrying about whether you are serving your man enough.