Why I Hate the Word “Commitment” in Dating
We all want it, right? We want a man to commit to us, and only date/pursue us. But what exactly does that mean? In my book, not an awful lot. I am old school. I come from 24 years of marriage, where commitment means you have a moral obligation to your spouse. An obligation that is upheld and protected by laws and society as a whole.
Commitment in a relationship is just a commitment to tell your partner that you want to end it before seeing someone else. This may seem cynical, but it’s true. There’s nothing but a desire to stay with that person that keeps that commitment going. So it is that exclusive nature, of only dating each other that separates it from casual dating and that so-called commitment of a dating relationship can end at any time for any reason. It’s “Permanent for now” or “Exclusive for now”.
It’s hard to have that level of trust in a partner that you are not betrothed too. He could wake up one day and just decide that he’s not happy or on the path that he wants to be on with you. I want to protect my heart, as it’s been broken before, and if I can avoid the heartache I will at all costs. This makes me guarded and protective of my heart. It’s going to take some really amazing man to allow me to relax and trust him with my heart.
So to future men in my life and in yours;” Don’t try to win my heart unless you intend holding on to it.”
It stinks. Online dating is fun and exciting, but the real work really starts when you find someone that you want to develop a relationship with but you are all so scared. Words like security, commitment, and promise you want to hear, but in truth, do they have a place in a relationship outside of marriage?
So how do we reframe that idea of commitment with a dating boyfriend/relationship? One thing I know for sure. If you want a chance at longevity, maybe even for a trip down the alter, don’t rush it, Get to really know him. Like him very much as a person, enjoy him as a friend, respect him as a man. If you can establish those very important points, then you have a chance. Because now you aren’t trying to get to like and learn to trust at the same time. You already have a firm foundation of friendship, and that can carry you far. You value that friendship and count on it.
It’s not that hard to get from a friendship to a romantic, sexual relationship, but if you start off from a place of like, then the lust and hopefully love will follow quite easily.
Tell yourself that you have the rest of your life together, so what’s the rush? You have plenty of time to establish an amazing sex life, plan great adventures together, so far now, just worry about enjoying each day, growing together and concentrating on just being present in the moment.