Why alone is better than settling
I don’t think love has got to be that hard. Why can’t it be easy? Why can’t two people that care deeply for each other be blissfully happy? We get to choose. The choice is to be miserable in trying to convince someone that you are worthy of their love. A relationship is not supposed to make you doubt how he feels about you. It’s not supposed to keep you up at night wondering why you feel so happy. It isn’t supposed to feel like an anchor weighing you down. You’re not supposed to suffer in a relationship.
So tell me why it is that I and so many other women have settled? Settled for less than the real thing? Why have I settled for men that didn’t make me feel good about myself? Why is it that I have a habit of excusing bad behavior and giving far more chances than anyone of them deserved? I put their emotional needs ahead of mine. I became the one to serve them, cook for them, clean for them, run errands for them, have sex with them, all the while feeling like I wasn’t receiving what I needed in return.
I refuse to stay with someone that isn’t willing to be there for me. How hard is it for a man to be vulnerable, to open himself, and to serve me in a way that no other man has. How hard is it to be faithful? To be mature enough to commit to me in a relationship. To catch me when I fail at things.
I’m tired of the games and the dating rules. I’m too old for it. I want his energy not being spent on playing hard to get, but rather into investing into a relationship, where I don’t have to guess what he’s thinking or how he’s feeling because he is brave enough to let me know. He’ll trust me with his emotions, and not run the other way.
I want a man that has time for me every day. As I said to my last boyfriend, everyone has 5 minutes a day. I want someone that wants to get to know me. Really get to know me. A deeply intimate relationship. Someone that values my opinion and loves to hear what I have to say. Someone that when we speak, we are happy and connected.
If I ever find a man that puts that kind of effort into loving me, I am never going to let him go. I am going to appreciate that man forever. I am bruised. Bruised by men that have made me feel unappreciated and unworthy. So the first man, that texts me in the morning just to say hello, and checks in on me in the evening to make sure I am safe, the man that can’t wait to see me again, and looks forward to every call…that man is going to steal my heart.
He’ll keep my heart by never stopping pursuing me even once he knows he has my heart. The man that keeps the spark alive between us and never stops delighting and surprising me. The man that never stops making an effort.
I promise that man, that I will reciprocate and more. He will have the most faithful and loving partner, but I have been through the proverbial love wars, and it’s going to take me some getting use to learn to accept help, to learn to accept offers of dinners and at 48 years of age, I have yet to have a man buy me flowers. It’s unchartered waters to be with a real man, one that wants me to feel safe and secure, one that wants to protect me and one that wants me to be content and happy.
Until that time, I choose to be alone. It’s not as scary as I thought. Alone isn’t lonely. Being in a relationship with an emotionally stunted man is lonely. Being in a relationship with someone that you don’t know where you stand is lonely. Single is not lonely. Single is what I choose until the right man comes along.
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