When you feel like an afterthought

When you feel like an afterthought

It takes a lot…I mean a REAL LOT to make a woman feel alone in a relationship. If you are feeling like your man treats you like an afterthought and not as a priority in his life, it’s time to really pay attention and evaluate your relationship.

What does it mean to feel alone?

Do you feel emotionally alone? Is he there and present to find out how are you are? Not just, “Hi, how are you?” but a really deep look into your eyes and really ask with care “ How are you feeling today?” You want to know that your emotional health and sense of wellbeing are on his priority list. His making you feel cared for, appreciated and supported are top of his list.

So if you are feeling alone a lot more than you are together, then it’s time to broach this subject. If you’re going feel alone in your relationship you might as well be single and have the hopes of meeting a special man that does fill that void.

Does he make plans to go out with friends and doesn’t check in with you to see if you’d like to do something alone together?

How many times does he make plans to do things with his friends, and you have no clue where he is that evening unless you ask, or he makes plans at a weekend and then invites you along, instead of asking you prior to making the plans with his friends. Maybe you are craving a romantic night, and hanging out at a bar with his friends isn’t your idea of fun. He makes plans for international travel and doesn’t ask you to join him. You feel like you are not part of an “us” or a unit. You are two individuals and your idea of a relationship is not being fulfilled.

Was there a time where he used to make an effort and try to impress you?

Do you recall when he used to take you to special places, wanted to just be alone on a date with you? Was he more romantic, dressed better, wore aftershave? You know the feeling when you know he’s trying to “woo” you. Every woman on earth wants to be pursued, even when they are in a relationship, but if you feel like you are playing second fiddle to his friends, his interests or even the T.V your sense of self-worth starts to plummet.

He doesn’t change his bad behavior

You caught him cheating, and then he lies to cover up his poor behavior rather than taking accountability for it. You want him to act like a man around you, and even if he doesn’t live with you, help you take care of your home. Just how hard is it for him to mow your lawn once in a while or hang up a picture? Instead, he asks why your kids don’t do more around the house. You want him to be more romantic, and instead, he turns on the T.V.

You have needs too. If his needs such as sex and a girlfriend on his arm are what meets his needs, then he needs to meet yours too. Affection is a human need, and we desire affection and attention. Without it, we can become clinically depressed, angry, and sad. Whether he is being selfish, or thoughtless, it doesn’t matter, you are not happy and fulfilled in your relationship. He’s saying that to him you are not worth keeping happy. He doesn’t value you enough to engage with you throughout the day, send cute good morning and goodnight texts and texts just to show he’s thinking of you.

This is unacceptable behavior. Behavior that you need to step up and tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not continue to date someone that devalues you.

Let me ask you this: Would your relationship end if you stopped putting in all the effort? What has he done since he started dating you that has changed his routine? Relationships require work and sacrifice, and if he isn’t forgoing some rounds of golf in order to spend some time with you it’s a red flag.

I used to wonder why I wasn’t enough. Why he didn’t want to spend more time with me…and then it dawned on me. I was MORE than enough. He wasn’t good enough for me or generous enough with his time, money or love. His selfishness was the problem, he wanted his life to be exactly how it was before he met me with the added benefit of sex. Guess what? I love sex, but I am more than just a sexual partner. I want a lot out of a relationship, I want to feel like I am important to the man I am in a relationship with. I don’t want to be his afterthought, I want to be his priority.

So to the silly man that can’t see you for what you bring to the table, and doesn’t respect you. Dump his sorry ass. Find a man that bringing you happiness gives him joy. A man that would never cheat on you because he adores you and cherishes what you have together. Find the man that makes you feel like you are the most beautiful woman in the room. He remembers the important things, spoils you on your birthday, flowers just because he wants to show you that you are special to him.

Find the man that you can look at and say, “You make me so happy.”

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