What do you do when you are left devastated and heartbroken? I pulled the following excerpt from my diary. Almost all of us have had our heartbroken at least once. The indescribable sense of loss and devastation is so real. Writing and keeping a diary is cathartic for me. You have to find ways to heal, and be good to yourself. Remember, that his actions are not a reflection of your value. It is his loss that he didn’t value who you are are as a woman, and what you had to offer. You are enough, he just didn’t see it

Today I am heartbroken. I am careful with my emotions, but in just the past week after 3 ½ months of dating, I could actually feel myself fall in love with him. Why? Well in part because I must have misconstrued what he told me. He had said that he had let all the other women he was dating go, and I took that he had let ALL of them go. All except one that is, the one he picked the next week instead of me. I have never felt so heartbroken. Here was a man that I fell hook line and sinker for because I respected and admired him, I trusted him explicitly, I truly looked up to him and valued his advice and guidance. He was for me the total package. The problem was as a strong and confident woman I never thought for a minute that he wouldn’t choose me to be in an exclusive relationship. Shock would be a good way to describe it. I totally did not see this coming. What do you do when you are left with love in your heart for a man you are never going to see again? How do you heal, and move on? How do you learn to trust a man again?

Here are my tips on how to get over a break-up.

1. Practice self-love.

We have to love ourselves before anyone else can. It’s easy to be hard on ourselves and blame ourselves for what we should/shouldn’t have done. I say STOP. This isn’t your fault. You are enough, and it is his shortcoming that he couldn’t see that. In my case, I deserved to be his “one and only” and I valued myself enough to expect that. I think I am worth a man’s undivided attention, and I will practice self-love and care until another man values me enough to want me and only me. So love yourself ladies, love yourself more than anyone else could ever love you. For when you love yourself, you’ll find someone that wants to share in the loving of you.

2) Highlight his shortcomings.

It is so important to make yourself feel better about your breakup. Realizing his shortcomings helps you realize that he isn’t perfect. Maybe he wouldn’t have been able to meet your needs, maybe he wasn’t ambitious enough, maybe he wouldn’t have integrated into your family well. Find something that you can “hold against him” This isn’t about playing fair, it’s about self-preservation. Putting him on a pedestal is not helping you move on and heal. It’s making the pain more acute.

3) Take up a new hobby or interest

When you’ve just come out of a relationship, you have all this free time that you are no longer spending together. You have to replace that time with something else. Take the energy you put into your relationship and put it back into yourself. Again the theme is this is all about you and finding what will make you feel fulfilled and still growing as a person. Don’t just shrivel because one man didn’t want you. This is the time to grow from the adversity and come out a stronger, more beautiful you.

4) Practice gratitude for the love that’s still abundant in your life

Lean on your family and friends. It’s so easy when we are emotionally devastated to push our loved ones away and try to isolate yourself. This is the time to reconnect with your family, maybe you neglected them over the time of your relationship. Use the healing time to nurture these precious relationships that have stood the test of time.

5) Keep busy

Keep your mind off your heartache. I know the feeling. You are literally physically ill, can’t eat and there is an absolutely heaviness and weight that you feel like you are dragging around with you. Get you mind to rights. Start thinking up positive things you can do. Organise your wardrobe, or for that matter your whole house. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep improving your life whilst nursing your wounds and mostly keep loving yourself and realising your worth.

A break up is a loss. You are in mourning of a dream that didn’t come to pass. Be good to yourself. Don’t live with regrets. The serenity prayer comes to mind here: But most of all, know that you are loved by many, your friends and family and you are supported in communities like this one. You can’t be a goddess and wallow in self pity for too long. Let those around you lift you up and help you feel whole again so you can find the man of your dreams that wants to make you his world and his one and only.