Why when men know their relationship is over they still cling to it
If I had a dollar for how many times a man said they kept a relationship going way longer than they should have. Sometimes months longer, sometimes years! Why is it that men will keep flogging a dead horse?
It simple. One thing really. Once a man has made a decision he feels compelled to stick with it. He made a commitment, and he feels that he needs to be consistent. He is fearful that he won’t look like a man of his word, a man of honor and a man that won’t look crazy to the world.
It seems illogical to you and I. How crazy to be with a woman when he knows he made a mistake? Why prolong the agony, why not jump ship when he knows he’s made a mistake and is second guessing himself? When the woman he is with doesn’t pan out to be everything he thinks she was. When her heart is no longer what he desires, when he doesn’t look at her in the same way, when she disappoints him, when he starts getting exasperated by her habits.
I believe it’s the desire to look sane and stable. If you make decisions and stick to them you seem dependable to society and your friends and family. We want to come across as mentally stable. The act of sticking to your decisions comes from a subconscious level. It’s also the desire to be CONSISTENT. He wants to keep with the decision he made, and not admit that he is flawed and made a mistake.
It’s completely illogical. Why would a man stay with a woman when he knows the relationship is doomed? Why would he not jump ship? Maybe it’s the fear of being alone, and the need to start the long search for another love?
Eventually he will bail on the relationship, but it takes a really present man, that is in touch with his emotions to make that connection and be honest with himself about the mistake he has made. It takes a really strong man with a good sense of self to say, this isn’t working, and I want to free myself and my partner from this relationship before it ends up ugly.
So yes, sometimes men can be stubborn, set in their ways and ridgid. They aren’t as fluid as women, and they get stuck in a rut, not knowing how to extract themselves. Maybe this is one of the reasons that men struggle to commit. They know once they commit that will struggle to get out of their decision, that somehow their word is binding. It’s illogical, but oh so true.
Men aren’t good with fluidity. The idea that when it’s done, it’s time to move on. They cling because it’s what they know, and they don’t want to rock the boat. It takes a lot of mindful, intentional living to be aware of your feelings, of indeed your life. Is the relationship taking me in the right direction. Am I happy? Does this feel right? Does it seem like the relationship I imagined when I asked her to be in one?
It’s a fascinating topic, and one that almost every man has been in. One where on reflection he admits that he should have left the relationship long before it ended. Life is too short to settle for less than we deserve. If it’s not fulfilling him, if there are doubts, then it’s time to dig deep and ask the question, “Am I in it because I adore and love this person, or am I in it to save face, keep my word and not look crazy?” Staying in a relationship because it seems safer and more secure than the alternative is prolonging the inevitable.