The lies women tell themselves about sex

I did warn you that this was a place to feel safe and be truthful. We can’t live in the shame of our past or let it define you. Here’s my truth. I was 37 before I had an orgasm with a man. Shocker right? When I realised this just a few months ago, I was like “Whoa! Really?” For me it was a long evolved process. A very conservative Catholic upbringing, I went to an all-girls High School (with the fabulous green dresses and matching underwear!) Thank goodness I have auburn hair and I look good in green or would have been a rough 5 years! If my poor mum was to read this she would die of a heart attack, but it is so important that we as women talk about sex. I don’t think we talk about it enough.

We certainly didn’t’t talk about sex. It wasn’t the ladylike thing to do. I remember when my mother gave me “The Talk” She was a retired nurse and she got a medical book to teach me about my body and it’s anatomy. Talk about awkward! There was a prevalent air that sex was taboo, it was dirty and “nice girls” didn’t partake. There was no openness about the joys of sex with someone you love, none of the good things, far more, “If you fall pregnant you will go to a home for unwed mothers” Don’t get me wrong, I grew up in a very loving home, but openness about sex was not part of my upbringing.

So I got married and for 15 years I was in a passionless marriage. I didn’t know any better. I loved him dearly, but we were very much a brother and sister relationship, not one of lovers. We made love very seldom, and if I did orgasm, I would have to sheepishly admit that I faked it.

So what changed? Well in my second marriage we had great chemistry, and therefore the sex was really good and at times very plentiful. Sadly when that marriage ended, I was out in the big bad world of dating, a place where I had never been. However as a woman for the first time, I discovered what I want from sex, what turns me on, what feels great and what doesn’t feel so fabulous. I look back over 24 years of marriage and I see the journey and the remarkable progress that I have made in my own sexual awakening. What are the things that helped me?

I learned that sex can be the most amazing, earth shattering experience

I learned to be completely uninhibited. I have come a long way from that painfully shy child. I am now open and communicative with my partner about what I want. I want to enjoy myself too, yet in the past I had a “service mentality”. No more. You are called a partner for a reason. This is an equal opportunity trade. I don’t hold back anymore, I am totally immersed in the moment, and allow myself all the joys and incredible sensations to wash over me.

I learned that I had to redefine what sex was to me

I learned that in my first marriage there was always something else that needed my attention. Six kids, a large house and garden, pets, teaching, you name it I was busy. Too busy for sex. It wasn’t a priority, so on top of the fact that there was little chemistry between my husband and myself, I was pushing sex to the back burner. It wasn’t a priority. Sex is something that the more you have the more you want, and the desire and passion builds. Letting it dwindle like I did was just disastrous. I am amazed we managed to conceive six kids! If you are in a dry rut, I suggest you shock your partner and suggest that you have sex everyday for a month. Not only will you have him grinning from ear to ear, you will learn first hand that you won’t want to live without it after a month.

I embraced my body

I know, I know. The average woman would look at me and say, “You’ve had six kids?” But for me, having been a dancer I am woefully aware that my body isn’t what it once was. My husband loved my stomach and would try to touch it while I was frantically sucking it in. No, I now love every inch of my body. Is it perfect? Far from it, but it is mine and I honour it. I look at myself naked in the bathroom mirror and admire that my body has held up and respect all that it is. Love you body girlfriend, learn to love all the imperfections. Practise positive self talk, because no matter what size or shape your body is in, it is God’s creation and he made you womanly and perfect.

I learned to get my sexy on

I am so intune with my feminine side and surround myself with all things that enhance it. I buy myself flowers weekly and they are always in my bedroom, I light candles, play music frequently, I dance a lot…especially in the shower, and I love nothing more than sexy lingerie. fragrance and looking my best for the world. I wear sexy lingerie for myself, not because I think my partner is going to see it. It makes me feel sensual and womanly, and then that is the essence that surrounds me.

I discovered what really turns me on

Sometimes we just go about life, and we don’t consider what turns us on. I have spent a great deal of time pondering what does it for me. For you it could be role-play, toys, every position under the sun, where you do it, (Dining room table anyone?). For those of you not in relationships this is a great time to list what characteristics of a man turn you on. I have my master list!

I embraced my orgasms.

Yes, that would be plural. Orgasms. Women’s bodies are amazing that way. God gave us the gift of being able to acheive mulitple orgams in one love making session. I have had the kind of sex that you lose count. It’s not the be all and end all, one orgasm is good, but if you have an incredibly skilled lover that turns you on no end, then lucky you! I now know that sex without an orgasm is not on. You man should be pleasuring you so that you achieve orgasm each and every time you have sex. If you are struggling then I highly suggest a magic wand (link) because this during sex is a sure fire way to have a fabulous orgasm. Hint here, just use the first setting!

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