Ever heard of a false positive? Well in the dating world they are quite common. You meet a man, and you say, “He gets me!” the conversation flows during the first date, you discuss where you’re from, what you do for a living, what you enjoy for recreation, and you could spend four hours just enjoying each other’s company.  You go home with a big smile on your face anticipating seeing him again. 

The 2nd date rolls around and you realize that the conversation roll has dried up, and you are struggling to find things to talk about. If you just want a hookup, more power to you. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, you have to go through these first few dates. You had to weed out the douche bags and believe you me, there are plenty of those. They have a hard time keeping up the charade, so if you can last out 4 or 5 dates, you have pretty much eliminated the jerks and the players. 

It’s only in the subsequent dates that you can find out the most important thing of all. Whether you have shared values. Shared interests are nice, but if I don’t eat fish, and he does, isn’t really important. It is important if your values align. 

To be honest, I have met men, that seem really nice when I first meet them, but it takes time…a long time to realize that his values mesh well with mine and that he should be the man that I end up with. Maybe he’s nervous and doesn’t come across as fun-loving as he really is. Sometimes it takes a while to realize what is right in front of you. It doesn’t have to be fireworks for longevity, in fact, a relationship built on a close friendship has a far greater chance of thriving and being successful. Ask yourself if you laugh together if you find yourself thinking about him and do you love the conversations you have? Yes, then maybe this is a relationship worth pursuing. He may not be your “Type” but he may be your soulmate…your lifemate.

There’s plenty of merit in waiting. It lowers the risk of getting some nasty, it allows the trust to develop and delayed gratification is let’s face it…hot! I love the idea of making love with someone, not having sex. I have to know someone to value and love them as a friend. If I become intimate with someone I care about the experience is immensely more gratifying and uniting. 

It’s a choice. We should do with our bodies what feels right to us at the time, but remember, it’s YOUR choice, not his. You never owe a man anything physical regardless of what he does for you on your date. He can fly you on his private jet to Key West, seduce you with his charm and champagne budget, but you don’t owe him a thing. Zilch. Nada. Nothing physical, not even a kiss if you are not so inclined.