Well, not the two years leading up to it. I was totally derailed, and just existing. Going through the motions, not able to enjoy life, my family my career.

BUT…subsequently, I have found joy again. A zest for life, and pleasure in the simple things. I love being home, and working on new dreams and goals in my career. I love that I have met new friends, truly good people that care for me and are unbelievably good to me. I enjoy going out, socializing and not needing to feel guilty or ask permission. I feel free, free to discover what I, Caroline like to do. 

I’ve discovered “Doing” instead of just going through the motions. My love of getting out kayaking, or going for walks. I’m a people person, and I’ve loved meeting people from all walks of life, people than when I felt stifled I would never have met. 

This is a new beginning for me. A chance to take my life and redirect it to a place that makes me feel happier and more fulfilled. I fought hard for my marriage and didn’t want to get divorced, but life has a way of not always allowing us what we want. Now I realize that this was a gift. Probably the biggest gift of my life. 

I am not going to squander it. I am going to make wise decisions. At 47, I don’t have the time or quite frankly the energy to be around people that aren’t positive and moving with forward momentum. I don’t have the luxury to make any more relationship mistakes, that could easily be avoided with a slower more calculated approach. It seems unromantic, but what’s the rush? The rush is what has caused me to make mistakes in my past. 

I have time to reflect on why I have been in two marriages with narcissistic men. It’s taken two therapists to tell me why they are narcissistic, but I am still working through it, and making sure that I don’t attract one again. When I do enter a relationship with a man, he is going to very different to my ex’s. Because it’s only a mistake if we don’t learn from it and keep making the same one over and over. 

I am seizing the opportunity in life that has been handed to me. I embrace it with enthusiasm, a positive outlook, and I would be lying if I said that a little chocolate, and on somedays, a lot of chocolate helps immensely too!

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