Last year I had fallen quite quickly and deeply for a man that I shouldn’t have. Why? Because he didn’t treat me with the respect that any woman deserves. I deserved exclusivity, yet although he made me unhappy with his inability to commit to any one woman, I allowed him to treat me badly. I was bruised from my failed marriage and he was a good-looking, amazing in bed distraction. 

In my naivete, I allowed myself to let down my guard and develop feelings for him, and when we broke up, I realized that my heart was broken. So often a broken heart can be avoided if you treat your partner in a loving and respectful way when you want to break up. Sending a text like this is not conducive to an amicable and compassionate break-up. Not to mention that you are extremely self-centered to spring this on an unsuspecting partner on New Year’s Day!

When you decide that a person that you have been in a relationship or marriage with is no longer working out for you, it’s important to approach it in a kind, communicative manner. As soon as you start having feeling os discontentment, it’s important to go to your partner. So often we don’t and we go to friends for advice. Not only is that emotional unfaithfulness, but it doesn’t help. Going to your partner in an open way allows them to understand your thoughts and where you are at. It gives them the opportunity to problem-solve with you and potentially mend your relationship. 

You should be able to share your feelings with your lover in an open and vulnerable way. Many times just articulating them makes them seem more manageable because when we keep them in our head, we tend to make them larger than in reality they are. This is when I wish men would step up and be a man. Don’t hastily give a woman no warning and break up with her unless you want to risky the Bobbit’s or adult wearing diapers cross country trips from your lover. Psychotic tendencies get stirred when heartbreak happens and it’s not handled well. 

Speaking openly and at length and allowing your partner to contribute to the discussion enables a friendship to still exist and at the very least not having to avoid certain hangouts. How we break up, in the most respectful, compassionate of ways speaks volumes about us and our character. If we treat others in a kind, loving way, they are most likely going to do the same for us.