Just how many smucks are out there? Men that tell you they are no longer online dating? That although you may not have had the “exclusive” talk”, he has said he is no longer pursuing anyone else or has an online profile.

Well, then you go and set up a fake online profile, and lo and behold, there’s the man you are sleeping with, with his smiling profile photo. Now, there’s no reason that a man has a profile photo online other than to find women. Really? Either he has a serious issue with monogamy or he can’t resist the lure of online dating. You have a choice, speak your mind and tell him why it’s so important that he removes his profiles. If you do this and he refuses to delete his dating profiles unless you don’t mind getting hurt, I suggest you kick this man to the curb immediately. He’s lied to you. If he said he was no longer online dating and he has a profile, he’s dishonest and it’s time to ditch and run…very fast. 

There’ no ambiguity. You are either online dating or you are not. If he changed his mind, he should’ve have let you know. No excuses. No,” I deleted it from my phone, but must not have deleted it from online.” No, “I just went online to look, I wasn’t chasing or contacting anyone.”

We have to stand up and weed out the good men because believe you me, there are good men out there. Those that know not to play with your heart and manipulate you. They aren’t out to hurt you. I wish there was a way to “rate” men online. They’d get a star rating, huge demerits for dishonesty! Lol. 

You deserve the respect of a man that will stop dating online and take down his profile. You are worth that, and if he hasn’t done that, give him a chance to make it right. Maybe he is a bit dense in the “feelings” department and can’t understand how it feels to see the man you are intimate with online still. He probably hasn’t even thought how it would feel if a friend of his saw your profile on a dating site. He wouldn’t be happy. Well, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. There’s no point sweeping your hurt and disappointment under the rug. It’s time for a conversation…

How to go about this conversation:

Firstly, don’t launch into a confrontational attack. He may have no clue how much this is eating you up inside. Calmly asking if he has his profile up there for the world to see should not be cause for WW3. If he gets on the defensive and you’ve approached it from a clam and non-confrontational place, then it’s a red flag. Why is he getting so upset, if it’s merely a thoughtless oversight?

Explain that until you know that his online profiles, and you mean ALL of them are down, there really is no room for progress in your relationship. You are going to do everything to safeguard your heart, and until he takes them down, you aren’t going to let down your guard and allow him in. You aren’t going to risk being hurt, for a man that can’t show you the value and respect you so richly deserve. You are aren’t going to see him in the light in which he may desire, and you’re not going to plan trips and fun adventures with a man that can’t simply make you feel secure.

If he spins it around on you and says, “What? You don’t trust me?” It’s another red flag. It’s not about trust. It’s about telling the world that you care and respect the person you are with enough to delete your online accounts. Note, I said delete because hitting “snooze” implies that this is a temporary status. I’m not sure about you, but I’m not going to risk my heart for something temporary. 

Remember, as women, we do tend to waffle. As awkward as it is, you need to be very clear and direct on this. There’s no grey zone. It’s very black or white. You either in it to win it, or you just have one toe in the tepid water. If he’s reluctant to understand where you are coming from and how it would feel if the shoe was on the other foot, then at least you know where you stand. You get to make the choice if that’s acceptable to you. 

You are an amazing woman, capable of giving and receiving great love, but that only happens when the foundations are in place. If you start a relationship off with a rocky, insecure foundation, it’s almost doomed from the start. Know your worth and ask boldly for someone to step up to value you.