Why are men all of a sudden chasing me?

I haven’t always played my cards right. I’m not a serial dater, and when I start connecting with a man even just over text, it’s hard for me to keep that level of communication up with several men at a time. So, I tend to not do well in dating because I always want to give just one man a chance. I want to give him my undivided attention.

The problem with this strategy is that I put all my eggs in one basket, and of course, I am too damn honest for my own good, and I let him know that he is the only one I’m seeing. I guess I’m old school, but it doesn’t serve me well in the dating world. Why? Because I take the desire for the chase away. There is no competition, and men like the power of the pursuit and being the “winner”. If you take that away from him, he becomes complacent.

So why now, do I have more suitors chasing me?

I am in such a good place mentally. I’m laser-focused on work, I am content in my life, I know what I want to achieve, and I am mindful to practice self-care daily. I am not desperate. I am biding my time, enjoying meeting people and I am NOT going to settle. I am looking for that one man that will sweep me off my feet, and never make me miss online dating again. Most of all, I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin. I’m learning to be at ease with being feminine and embracing my sexuality.

Don’t think of your sexuality as shameful

Recently I went on a second date, and this gentleman said that he was intrigued by me because I am a juxtaposition of very sweet and very sexy. He said he couldn’t quite figure me out. Why can’t I be both? I’ve spent quite a while becoming comfortable with who I am and embracing my sexuality. I love being a woman.

I had a very strict upbringing. I was raised in a Catholic household, I went to an all-girls High School, and my mother put the fear of God in me about premarital sex. She didn’t have to worry about me losing my virginity…I clung to it fiercely. The thing is we are taught to be a lady during the day, yet every man wants a tiger in the bed. It’s not a switch that we can turn on and off, nor should we feel compelled to. Our sexuality is a part of who we are.

How to embrace your sexuality:

Embrace self-care

Take care of yourself. It doesn’t have to cost a dime. It could just mean taking a bubble bath, light a candle and play relaxing music. It feels really decadent when I do this. It feels so soothing and replenishing.

Go to bed early, and get a good solid night’s sleep. You’ll feel like a million dollars when you are not sleep-deprived.

Paint your nails, put on a nourishing face mask, do anything that makes you feel cared for and whole.

Dress in what makes you feel great

I love a really feminine dress. I feel more womanly and more desirable in a dress and heels. If you love boots and a pair of jeans, and you feel sexy in them, then that’s what you should wear. Please don’t wear what you think your date or even your partner wants you to wear. You will never feel sexier than what you feel most comfortable in.


It’s the only thing I collect…and I’m proud to say most of it has never been seen by anyone but me. I don’t wear it for a man, I wear it for me. When I know I have sexy lingerie on, I feel sexier. It’s like this naughty secret that’s all mine. I refuse to wear ugly underwear.

Get movin’

I’m telling you, there’s nothing sexier than an active woman. Get walking, go to the gym, take a salsa class, but get moving…when you’re in touch with your body, it shows.

Smell great

I love perfume, fresh and citrus perfumes are my favorite, but sometime on a date, I’ll go for a more sensual fragrance. It makes me feel very feminine.

Learn to receive

I’ve only just discovered this recently. I push men away because I refuse to allow them to take me to dinner, refuse to accept their help and to allow them to serve me, and as one ex-lover said, refused to allow him to use “his love language” on me. His love language was helping me with technology, which was his field.  I am working really hard on this because I know it is innately feminine to receive. It’s a beautiful thing to allow a man to do what comes naturally to him, and to have a woman receptive to his gifts.

There is no shame in embracing our sexuality. It isn’t synonymous with sex, it’s a beautiful part of you, and when you accept and welcome it, it makes you feel more in touch with who you are. When you embrace your sexuality, men are all of a sudden like bees to honey. They can sense that you are comfortable in your own skin, and know that you are being true to yourself and not putting up a front.

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