I seem to have a habit of meeting very charming, charismatic men that don’t live in my state!. Of course, when I connect with them I have no clue that they don’t live in Florida, and that they are merely passing through Tampa either on business or here on vacation.

The odd thing is that it’s happened 4 times in a row now…yes that’s right four men, that I’ve made a really good connection with, and they don’t live anywhere near me.

Let’s see, there’s Mr. Chicago from the summer who is sweet, and I like him but I ruled him out because he has things in his life that he needs to sort out. He’s not ready for a relationship…although I do wish he’d pick up his suitcase from my house!

Then there was Mr. Oregon…we left that date with him saying when he’s back in a few months he’d contact me. There was huge chemistry, but no thanks, I don’t want to become his Ms. Florida.

Then there was Mr. Sweden/California. The nicest, sweetest man who was so respectful and lovely and the chemistry was undeniable. He was here on work, and we saw each other 4 out of five nights. I had to exert a lot of willpower to resist his advances and his adorable dimples. He comes back to Florida often for work, but again, alas, I ruled him out as I didn’t want to become the fling when he comes to Florida.

Then lastly, there was Mr. Colarado. He too was respectful, and very chivalrous. He was sexy and smart and knew what he wanted.  I admired his openness and his willingness to be vulnerable with me. My gut told me that he was trustworthy. He was someone that I believed knew what it takes to make a relationship work.

No matter how far a man lives away from you, if he has the flexibility he’ll figure it out if he wants to be with you.

So how to make a man want to commit to an exclusive relationship?

Do nothing. Yep, you heard it. Nothing. There’s nothing that a woman can do to make a man commit to only want to see her. Either he is interested and inspired to quickly get to know her better, or he’s not, and if she’s a woman of high value she’ll move on really fast. It’s frustrating when you meet a man that you are interested in, and the chemistry is palpable, and he does nothing. Zero action. Nada.  If he’s smart and he’s feeling it too, then he’ll make the effort to see you, and he’ll make the time to connect with you by either calling or texting during the day. If he’s serious about pursuing you, he’ll make a plan. He knows if he waits for weeks that you would have moved on with another man.

Actually, I am wrong. You do do something. Even if you are totally smitten with a man, you continue to date and put yourself out there. It’s not cheating. He has not stepped up and asked for exclusivity, and until he does that you are free to see whoever and do whatever you please. You may not really want to date others, but until such time that this man makes his decision, you should be seeing other people. Not flaunting it, just doing it because you are in the dating world to find a partner, one that will take calculated risks. Understand, that he is going on dates too. If the chemistry is amazing between the two of you, then it’s unlikely that he’s going to find someone that quickly to match what you have between you. You have to have the confidence in yourself, that if it is meant to be it will happen.

A woman really has her hands tied, yet try to see it as a blessing rather than a lack of control. You want someone that really wants you, that wants to make a leap of faith to be with you. If he isn’t willing to take the initiative to explore the options then he’ll lose you.

Timing is everything. Where he is in his life, whether he is really ready for a relationship and the time and effort that entails. How much he is attracted and interested in you. You can’t put an ultimatum out there. If he’s wise, he’ll ask you for exclusivity until you see where the two of you are at, That’s not to be confused with a relationship. There’s no boyfriend/girlfriend going on, no introducing him to your kids, your friends etc, but a period of time to see if there’s something there, something that can grow into a profound and fulfilling relationship. It’s a period of time where you are only romantically involved with each other. No pursing others online, a promise of intimate exclusivity. It’s risk-free. If you find that you don’t have enough to make a go of a relationship, or you find that you are not as attracted as you initially thought, then you go on your merry way. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

If you agree to exclusivity, and he doesn’t take it to the next level of entering a relationship with you within 2-3 months, you also can deduce that he’s not at the level you are, not ready to make that commitment. Onwards and upwards for you.