If you’re in a new relationship, sometimes it isn’t all moonlight and roses. Sometimes, it is quite shaky and uncertain. You send a flirtatious and fun text and what do you get back? Nada, Zilch. Crickets. It’s bewildering and hurtful, and sometimes it makes you wonder if this is going to work out, as he seems to be putting nothing into this and you know you can’t emotionally connect unless he does. 

Who knows why it takes him hours, sometimes a whole day to respond to you? Maybe he’s thoughtless, maybe he’s busy? Or maybe he’s just clueless as to what it’s going to take from him to make your relationship strong and amazing. 

What I do know is that texting, again and again, trying to elicit a response from him is going to make you come across as needy and desperate. You want to come across as High Value, a woman that he needs to step up and try to impress. He needs to know to keep a woman like you he’s going to have to work harder. Just how are you going to tell him that without actually telling him that?

Ignore him

I don’t believe in playing games. I’m not suggesting that. But if you’ve been texting him, and calling him, withdraw, and let him realize that he’s missing you. Give him the space and time to feel the void, and for him to come to you, and start making an effort. You don’t want to make a huge deal that the man took eight hours to respond to a text. Yes, it’s rude to not respond to anyone’s text, but if you’re his girlfriend, exaggerated emotions and drama are not the way to win in this situation. 

Ignoring a man that you care for and want to interact with is difficult, BUT it sends a very clear message. It sends a message that you are a woman with it “going on” in your life. You are not going to sit around waiting for him to honor you with a text, you are going out with friends, working and keeping vital and engaged with your life. He had better want to hop on board or he is going to be left in the dust. 

You are not going to let him know that his lack of responsiveness hurts you. You shouldn’t waste the time obsessing about why he doesn’t respond in a loving caring way. 

Put yourself first

This is so hard! If you are anything like I am you will drop everything for the man in your life at a drop of a hat. No! STOP doing it. Put yourself first. Don’t be so attentive to his needs. He is a big boy. He can do things for himself. 

When he extends a last-minute invitation for you to go out with his friends….say no. Not because you are pretending to be busy, but you are busy, busy with being you. I don’t care if you have a date in your bathroom with hair color and self-tanner, but be busy. Don’t drop everything to fit in with his plans all the time. You are a woman of worth, and if he wants to see you, he should make it a priority to see you when it works mutually for you. He should be making plans days ahead with you, because you are important to him, and he wants to ensure that he gets to see you. 

You have a full and engaging life, that is what partially drew him to you in the first place. If you are too accommodating, he’ll grow to expect that, and he will take your time for granted and always expect you to bend over backwards for him. For instance, if you have kids and he doesn’t, then he should be asking how he can fit into your life and schedule. He should care enough about you to make your life easier and to compromise some of his own regular events so he can fit into your life. 

In summary, you want to be an independent woman who is affectionate and willing to make space in her life for her man but expects some sacrifice and effort from him too. 

Make the plans, and go with or without him

Men, believe it or not, do not always want to take the initiative and make all the plans. So, take charge. You want to go on a road trip. Then plan it, make the hotel bookings, and then ask him to accompany you. It’s a yes or no, and if it’s a no, then find someone else to go with you. Let him know that you are a woman with options, and if he isn’t interested in doing things with you, then you have friends that will. 

If you want to do something, let’s say a movie, choose one that you think you would both enjoy. If after you’ve already made the concession of seeing one that you normally wouldn’t have seen, in other words it’s not a rom-com, and he wants to see some action-packed gory movie, then bail. Don’t go to the movies. You’ve met him halfway, if he isn’t going to consider what you might like, them he isn’t really that invested. It’s like him turning on the T.V and not asking what movies you like. It’s showing that he really isn’t interested in pleasing and getting to know more about you and what you like. 

So, what do we hope to gain from ignoring him? We want him to realize that he misses the attention of the frequent texts, that he misses you. He realizes that you are not openly available and that to engage you, and capture your heart, he is going to have to really work at it. He is going to have to think more about how to please you, and to wow you. 

You are going to stop investing so much in a person who doesn’t invest in you. You are going to feel miserable because you feel like you give way more than he does. You will give what he gives. You aren’t going to sacrifice precious time with your family and friends when he only slots you into his “free” time. Your efforts should be reciprocated, else resentment is going to build up.

Men are simple creatures. If they feel like you are too eager, and you are chasing them, they pull away. If you ignore them, they will chase you. 

So next time your boyfriend completely blanks your sexy text like you are nothing, ignore him, even if it means having the most organized sock drawer on earth. At least that way, you’ll know for sure if he is really into you and willing to put in the effort to keep a High-Value Woman such as yourself. If not, you have saved yourself the effort, and the time and you are free to find someone who does value you and what you bring to the table.