I never knew there were so many levels of commitment, and that in the dating world these days, getting a man to commit to just being your boyfriend is huge. I find it so confusing. In years gone by a man would court a woman to be his wife, but these days, a man courts a woman to be his girlfriend.

Now don’t get me wrong, if you are a woman that has no desire to be someone’s wife, then yay you! You’ll be so very happy when a man commits to being your boyfriend. But if that isn’t your end goal, then dating in the effort to secure a relationship gives you as a woman the short end of the stick. It gives you a false hope with words bandied about such as “Trust” and “Commitment” when really we know full well that at any time we can break that commitment at any time for any reason.

On the surface, most women know that dating is merely a temporary relationship whether that lasts a year or 5. Intellectually we know it isn’t a fully committed relationship, however emotionally we treat it like one. We fall for this man and get swept off our feet, all as if this relationship had some level of permanency. There’s nothing that says to the world that this man is so sure of his love for you that he wants to show the world with pride that he wants to be with you and only you for the rest of his life.

Either a man wants a commitment with you or he doesn’t. There are no half measures. Being temporarily committed is no different than not being committed at all.

Don’t’ confuse attraction with commitment. Two people are attracted to each other and end up being boyfriend and girlfriend…sensing that they have something very solid and special when the danger is that they half a false perception that they have built something real and secure when there is no guarantee at all. Tomorrow it could be over.

I know that not all women desire marriage, and more power to them, but for those women than secretly yearn for it, stand true to what you want. That’s not to say that on the first date you should blurt out that you want to get married one day. No! Not at all, unless you want to see that poor man turn on his heels and run for the hills. I had one date right back, in the beginning, say, “Caroline, if you wanted to get married I would marry you.” Needless to say, I never saw him again. No, I’m saying, don’t push for a commitment of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, wait until he feels a stronger emotional bond with you then gently let him know where your heart is at.

Is marriage just a piece of paper, a way to say to society that you are committed? No, it’s a way to tell each other that you are devoted and committed to each other. It’s a soft place for him to land, and a place of security for her. It’s a beautiful journey of the dream of having a forever partner, one to live fully expressed with, and one to grow old with. It’s a promise of not easily backing out tomorrow, but becoming one, not just friends, but joined together as one where society recognizes and respects that relationship.