Imagine being a man having sex for the first time. Every societal pressure is put on the man:

• To want sex, and always be willing and ready
• To initiate sex and be the perfect “Alpha Male”
• To be an amazing lover, and have great technique.
• To give his lover immense satisfaction and multiple orgasms
• The expectation that he should be easily aroused and able to orgasm each and every time he has sex.

For us women, we literally could just lie on our backs, moan, and a man could think the sex was amazing. A man doesn’t have that luxury. No, certain physical things have to happen in order to complete the act, and that puts undue pressure on a man. 

Intense performance anxiety for men can be debilitating. The more he thinks and stresses about it, the worst the anticipation of all the things that could go wrong during an encounter.

Body Image

Men struggle with body image too. Will she find my body sexy? Do I have too much hair on my back? Is my penis going to be big enough?

Being able to get hard and maintain it

The entire focus of most sex focuses on a man’s penis. The emphasis on sex is usually intercourse, and for that to happen he needs to be hard and stay hard. He worries about letting down his partner and the inability to satisfy her is forefront in his mind. 

Completing the marathon

Can he last long enough? Most men last 3-5 minutes during intercourse, but it takes a woman around 20 minutes to reach orgasm. 

On top of the above, he needs to desire sex in the first place and then be this skilled, incredible lover that ravishes a woman and seduces her into orgasmic bliss.

How can you as a woman help a man with performance anxiety? First of all, how do you know he has anxiety around sex? Does he seem interested in you, but after knowing him for a while, he still hasn’t put the moves on you? Is he just not that into you, or is there something more? If he still continues to invite you out, but never makes an advance, and you’ve tried to make the first move only to get rebuffed, then you have to wonder why. 

Suggest the following: To take the pressure off suggest something like a naughty sleepover. Make sure that you are emphatic about no sex. It’s not happening. However naked cuddles, fondling and perhaps a blow job thrown in for good measure is all that’s going to happen. Take the focus off penetrative sex, and put it back on a sensual, mutually pleasurable time. After a while, these adult sleepovers will help him to relax and take the pressure off. In no time he is going to be wanting sex, and when he is comfortable enough, then it’s a perfect time to just allow it to happen. 

Good things are worth waiting for, and if you can communicate openly and take the pressure off your man, he will be putty in your hands.