The Difference between Mr. Nice and a Real Man.

Mr. Nice can fool you, he is charming and sweet and comes across as a really good friend. Mr. Nice is playing you. He wants to mislead you, for you to like him and believe he is a good person. He’ll make you believe that he is honest as the day is long, he will tell you about charitable works he does, how he would never screw anyone over.

If you are like me and are looking for someone as a life partner, someone you can dedicate the rest of your life to, you are looking for a Real Man. A man that can meet you on the same level as you. One that could not comprehend betraying you because of the hurt he would inflict. One that wants your respect so he will not lie to you. There are no guarantees, one can never be 100% sure, but if you can identify the rare Real Man, then you can avoid confusion and heartache.

So what’s the difference between Mr. Nice and a Real Man?

1) He’s emotionally mature

A real man knows what he’s looking for in a partner. He can articulate what he’s looking for, and when he finds her, he is willing to be vulnerable, willing to go out on a limb and commit to her, and only her. When he makes you happy and secure, he feels happy and secure. He is generous with his love. He’s not going to hold back with his feelings but freely express where he is emotionally. He isn’t going to say he loves you, and keep searching for something better. No, a Real Man will commit to you and be loyal and faithful. You will never have to doubt a Real Man’s intentions.

A Real Man will fight the urge to have multiple partners because he knows how rare and special what he has with you is. He is not willing to sacrifice what you share. He desires to do the right thing and not follow the primal urge to do what superficially feels right.

If you’re looking for a forever relationship, then only a Real Man can deliver what it takes to make that commitment. He has enough emotional intelligence to promise himself to you and cherish what you have.

2) HE is secure

Mr Nice Guy is insecure. He’s irrationally jealous of where you’ve been, what you’re doing, who’ve you seen. He wants to control you because he doubts his own ability to keep you. Mr. Nice worries that you will find out who he really is, and you will leave him.

A Real Man trusts you. He is secure in himself and isn’t needy or desperate. He is confident of your devotion and love towards him. He doesn’t compare himself to your past relationships, he knows you are with him and only have eyes for him, and he does not compare you to others. You stand alone, and he is devoted to you.

An insecure man that is jealous of his girlfriend brings insecurity and unnecessary drama into the relationship. He creates problems where there are none. Mr. Nice doesn’t trust himself, so he can’t trust you. A Real Man trusts completely, and if there is any doubt he will address it calmly, and your relationship will grow from the openness and frankness in which you deal with situations.

3) A Real Man is 100% honest with you

I once went out with a Mr. Nice Guy. He was the master liar and manipulator. I think he started to believe his own lies. He was a compulsive liar, and he lied all through our friendship and subsequent relationship. Mr. Nice is a toxic person, and he will leave you confused and hurt.

A Real Man will show his vulnerability because he knows when he is open, raw and honest with you, you will fall for him. When a man lets down his shield and expresses his softer side, he lets you in.

A Real Man is willing to be courageous enough to allow us to see this side of him. It is because of his strength and self-knowledge that he is able to show a woman this side of him. Only a man with humility and sincerity can allow themselves to be exposed and to face rejection. A weaker man cannot. A Real Man wants you to desire him, he wants you to see all facets of him, and he is smart enough to know when he lays himself bare, it is when he receives your devotion.

When a man is open and vulnerable with me, something magically inside of me shifts. When he shares his thoughts with me with complete honesty, he shows me in a way like that nothing else can that he trusts and respects me. He shows me that he is a man worthy of my attention, and I want nothing more than to find out more about him. 

4) A Real Man apologizes AND changes his behavior

A Mr, Nice might apologize, but it’s insincere. He has no empathy for the hurt he has caused you, but more importantly, he doesn’t change the behavior and make sure he never hurts you in the same way again.

A Real Guy will not only apologize with great sincerity, but he will also do everything in his power to make you feel secure, loved and safe with him. He feels great remorse for the pain he has caused you and he not only acknowledges that he has hurt you but makes great strides to ensure he never makes that mistake again.

He seeks your forgiveness because he hurts for hurting you. He wants to regain your admiration and trust and you knowing how sincerely sorry he is is more important than his ego.

5) You know you can rely on him

My Mr. Nice Guy was so unreliable. On countless occasions, I would go dressed up for a dinner date, show up at his place, for him to say he’d changed his mind and he didn’t want to go out, or let’s just go to the local bar. Then, I’d just feel overdressed in a little black dress. I had tickets to a concert…I show up and he has a headache. We’d planned an overseas trip, and he couldn’t see that through even after I had bought the air tickets. It was one excuse after another, and I should’ve known that what he was really doing is not keeping up his Mr. Nice facade. It was getting too hard to have to keep up with the person he had made himself out to be. He was exhausted from his lying.

If only all men knew what a Real Man knows. All women are looking for a man to protect her and make her feels secure. She wants to depend on you. She wants you to be a soft place to fall when life gets hard. She wants to know that on the rare day she doesn’t feel her usual strong and capable self, that you have her, You’re not going to judge her. You are going to be there for her to depend on.

A Real Man is consistent not only with his words, but also with his actions. He will not make promises that he cannot keep, he vows to himself to not disappoint you. When he lets you down, he lets himself down, and he wants to do right by you.

He knows you are there for him through thick and thin. That when the chips are down, and he’s fallen on hard times, or sickness wreaks havoc in his life that you’ll be there for him. He wants you to feel the same sense of security and trust in him. So no, he won’t repeatedly let plans fall through, he won’t stand you up on dates, no, because he’s a Real Man.

6) A Real Man Inspires you 

A Real Man makes me want to be a better person. He makes me want to do better things with my life, he makes me want to serve others. He leads by example and he inspires me to do the same.

A Real Man does not feel emasculated by his woman. He is proud of her. When she succeeds and shines he is genuinely proud of her, and proud that he is the man in her life. Love is not jealous. When you truly love someone, there is no competition. You are each other’s biggest cheerleaders, and their success is your success and vice versa. He is so proud of you that he’d rather let people know of your accomplishments than his own. A Real Man will never be threatened by his partner’s success, he just admires and loves her more.

A Real Man knows that a woman wants a man to inspire her to be more, become more, and with his encouragement she will. He makes you believe in yourself more.

7) A Real Man will fight for you in his life

A real man will fight to make room for you in his life. He will tackle the obstacles in the way, and make sure that when he’s decided you are the one he wants to spend eternity with, no geographical or job limits will keep you apart. He lives without limits and excuses. He will make it happen. A Real Man will problem solve. He will move mountains to be with you. He will be practical, and he will figure out how you can be together. He won’t be afraid to take risks for the woman he loves.

Mr Nice has a whole list as to why he can’t commit. He wants to move somewhere, he doesn’t like the fact you have kids or a dog, or where you live. He will put obstacles where in reality there are none.

If you take nothing else away from this, a man that is deeply in love with you and wants you in his life will move heaven and earth to make it happen. It may not happen overnight, but he won’t rest until he solves the problem. Why? Because he is a Real Man and nothing is going to stop him once he’s found his soulmate.

8) He accepts you

Last but not least, he excepts you with all your imperfections, because those imperfections make you perfect for him. He isn’t hellbent on changing you. Mr Nice is cruel. He’ll make you drink when you are a teetotaler. He’ll nitpick about how you dress, expressions of speech you use. He is so insecure that anything that is different about you from other women, he’ll relentlessly try to change.

A Real Man will accept you for who you are. He won’t try to force you to drink more than you are comfortable with. He loves you for who you are and accepts how your life is. You also don’t want to change him. You support his choices in life, you are there as his biggest cheerleader.

Don’t waste your time being bamboozled by Mr. Nice. They’re a dime a dozen. Real men are rare because they are mature, honest and respectful, but they exist. I love fun and frivolity in dating, but underneath all the merriment, I am looking for sincerity and a man willing to be a Real Man and show me his vulnerability. I am looking for the one man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and he needs to be a Real Man.