I am not a vindictive person. I internalize hurt. I reason and want to make sense of why someone would lie or cheat. I can’t fathom why someone would do that, it’s beyond my comprehension. I guess I have been very lucky. I have an ex-husband that adored me, and not for a second in our marriage did I ever think he’d cheat on me, nor did I as much as look at another man when I was with him. I guess I took it for granted, that if you make a commitment of any sort to another person, that you stay faithful to them.

I spent an entire year being very cautious about dating. I didn’t want to get my heart broken, because I know I’m a “feeler”. When I fall, I fall hard. To get to that point though I am so guarded, and putting up that shield sometimes means that I don’t allow a man close to me. 

I chose a man because I thought he was a safe choice. An unexciting choice, but safe. I thought after knowing him for 10 months, and I considered him one of my closet friends, I thought he would never cheat or intentionally hurt me. Others thought the same. I realize now, that a very good liar, will keep up a good farce, and not only fool me but fool my friends too. I placed a lot of emphasis that I liked this man as a friend, and normally that’s a great foundation for a relationship. 

He was caught up in a web of lies. After being caught again in yet another untruth pertaining to his ex-girlfriend, I thought I’d reach out to the woman he dated briefly before me. I wanted to know the truth to the demise of that relationship, and if his evil ex-girlfriend had anything to do with the end of that relationship. 

As I write this I am in such a good place. Emotionally, I realize that I have moved on. One man’s inability to be faithful or honest doesn’t define me, nor will I mistrust every man in my future. One bad egg doesn’t spoil the rest. I am grateful to be happy again, grateful for the self-knowledge that I deserve more, and I am worthy of a man that treats me with respect. I’m sharing this with you because know that you are not crazy, that if he does it to you, he’s done it before and will do it again.

Funny enough, I wrote this while away on a romantic trip with my cheating boyfriend. I wrote to this woman as he slept next to me…and never thought I’d get a response. Two weeks later…and I got an unexpected response. I have to say, it completely made my day. I was not crazy! Lol. She had experienced the exact same things, felt the same way, and enjoyed making him squirm about his lies while not giving his ex-girlfriend the satisfaction of dumping him. 

I had already moved on when I had received her messages. I had caught him sleeping overnight at his ex’s home, and I was done. They deserved each other. However, even though I was back to my “happy place” I had to chuckle about the apt description this woman gave of my ex.

 

“Only people who are not happy with themselves are mean to others. Remember that.”

 

“Choose people who choose you”

I realize that not every woman is going to be so lucky to have a response like this. I had reached out from a place of hurt, but before I even received the response, I was over it. Relieved not to be with someone that used a toxic relationship as a crutch. Oh, how I had prayed that his ex and my ex had got back together. I reveled in the thought that misery loves company and that another couple of years of fights and making up, and her threatening suicide to get him to run over to her home would all but destroy them. 

But then I realized more that I didn’t care. Yes, they both deserve another year of each other, but I’m not giving up my energy and throwing it after bad. I am moving onwards and upwards. Like attracts like. My positive energy will attract a man with the same philosophy. I have a dream of a healthy, positive, dynamic relationship. One built on honesty, friendship and trust. I dodged a bullet, and I am beyond grateful. 

Caroline 

xxx