I have been cheated on and lied to. When my gut was so strong my intuition so acute that I knew that my boyfriend was cheating on me. I laugh….as a mother of 6, my kids knew not to lie to me. I’ve become a very good lie detector over the years. I also can see BS from a mile away.

What I was curious about wasn’t so much who the other woman was. In my case, she was an anxious, jealous, insecure woman. Someone that didn’t really want to date my boyfriend, but didn’t care for him enough to let him find happiness. I’m sure every woman he dated after her, she would suggest to him that she wasn’t right for him. Unfortunately for some reason, he didn’t have a backbone to make up his own mind, and his spineless actions caused me incredible pain.

The irony is I’ve had a year of men calling me ” hot, beautiful, edgy and sexy” Now whether it’s true or not is up for debate. Lol. However, my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is by anyone’s standards unattractive, wouldn’t know how to be or dress sexily and suffers from the dreaded case of middle-age spread. Even my boyfriend said she wasn’t sexy!

Was I jealous of her? No, I felt quite sorry for her. Imagine having such a lack of self-worth that you would allow a man to use you? Not just as FWB, but use you for companionship without committing.  Women allow themselves to be used because of low self-esteem, because they know they are going to have a hard time finding someone love and accept them with all their flaws, financial worries, mental conditions, etc.

I’m sure she spent hours crawling the internet and social media to see what I looked like, and what I did. Interesting enough, I wasn’t interested in her. She seemed boring, plain and a woman that I would have no connection to normally in life. I am inspired by successful, positive women that empower other women to be their best selves. My boyfriend had described her as neurotic, an alcoholic, drug addict, compulsive, rigid and fanatical. Not successful from making poor choices in life. She seemed hell-bent on bringing down those around her and not uplifting relationships with people in her life.

So no, she was of no interest to me. What I was curious about is what the ‘other woman’ thinks, what goes through the mind of another woman who would knowingly and willingly inflict pain on an innocent woman. What lack of moral code does she have that she would get a ‘high’ to see if she could ‘Win the Prize’. In her case winning was just seeing my boyfriend lonely and miserable back struggling with online dating so he would need her more and she’d feel more desirable and try to lift her self esteem out of the toilet.

The fascinating thing is the men that don’t judge a woman like this. To me, she is nothing better than a whore. Shocking that I would even say that word let alone label a woman that I don’t know a whore. But yes, her actions make her nothing better than a woman that sells her body for money. In fact, a prostitute has far more respect in my eyes because she’s not knowingly inflicting pain on another woman.

I can’t imagine how small a person you must be to be ‘The Other Woman’. Strong, emotionally healthy women enrich each other’s lives, they love and care for one another, they uplift and support.

Cheating is lying, the omission of the truth, purposeful deception. You as the other woman are part of that deception and no better than the cheater himself.

The other woman enjoys the attention that she gets from a man that doesn’t belong to her. A little mini and pathetic high when he says, ‘I miss you’ or the feeling of a temporary boost of ego when she perceives that maybe he likes her more than his girlfriend.  She’ll ask silly questions like, “Is she better in bed than I am”. What cheating man is going to say…”No, sex with you sucks” Nope if he lies to his girlfriend he’s going to lie to you too.

The high of him texting the other woman whilst he’s with his girlfriend makes you think that maybe he likes you more than her.

Every woman gets to set her own worth. I am worthy of a man that will respect me to never lie to me. The other woman should set her own worth too. It’s only when we set the boundaries of coming from a place of high value that the other woman can start to feel guilty and accountability.

No man will ever truly respect you unless you treat yourself like you want to be treated. The expectation that you are deserving of a man who puts your emotional wellbeing, and in this day and age your physical wellbeing ahead of his selfish whims. That the promise of monogamy is what is so special and earns him admiration as a man. When a man cheats he loses the respect of his friends, and more importantly of himself.

The other woman loses more precious self-esteem that she can’t afford to lose. It makes her anxious and neurotic. Her jealous rants exhaust her, her world feels out of control. It affects many parts of her life from a lack of self-care, financially foolishness and withdrawal from normal, healthy relationships.  She can’t secure a date even from dating sites, and this further damages her fragile ego.

That saying once a ‘cheater always a cheater’ is universally upheld. Nobody respects a liar.