Do you ever feel that if you don’t make a concerted effort that your relationship is going to flounder? That unless you keep coming up with romantic ideas and engaging activities your relationship with your man is going to be on the rocks?

I feel I am always the one that is there for my man. He’s having a bad bad, and I’m there giving him a massage, he’s anxious about work, and I am an ever-listening ear for him.

When he didn’t hold my hand, I would reach for his, when he didn’t affectionately put his hand on my leg, I would put mine on his. I was so aware of how much affection I was getting, or in this case, I wasn’t getting from him. So I would try to “step it” up and fill the void.

I was exhausted. Exhausted from being the one giving it my all, for him to give relatively nothing. I was miserably unhappy, and he couldn’t see that. It was almost like the more I gave, the less he stepped up, and he actually made less effort and started to withdraw.

When you chase a man, you take his role away from him. His job is to pursue you, be romantic, make him feel like he has to do this to woo and keep you. You chasing him gets your relationship off balance.

Yes, you’re supposed to be nice. You want him to see that you care for him, you want him to be secure in your love. But he can’t make you a priority in his life if you are doing all the work.

Now if you are matching his efforts, then that’s a whole different story. Then you are giving as an overflow of his love and attention directed at you.

Every woman wants to feel desired by her man. A man that pursues you makes you feel like the most attractive woman in the room. A man that doesn’t flatter and work hard for you makes you feel unworthy of love.

He’s not going anywhere. Why would he? He has you on his arm, he has companionship and sex. He’s perfectly comfortable? But how many times do you fantasize about leaving him and starting afresh with a man that makes you feel alive, cherished and very feminine?

Has the chasing from him stopped? Do you look at him and wonder where the man has gone that used to think up great restaurants to take you to, and buy you flowers just because he wanted to impress you and put a smile on your face. Where has that man gone?

It’s a perfect balance. We, as women feel secure when a man chases us, and a man feels dominant and in charge when he’s pursuing. Both of you are winners when you allow each other to have traditional roles.

Traditional roles really do work. Giving is innately a masculine trait and receiving is a feminine characteristic. Stay in your feminine and inspire him to step up to his role. You need to change the dynamic so he resumes the masculine giving role and you lean back and relax and be the receiver.

When he is in his masculine, he feels useful, like there is a purpose. If you don’t allow him to be who he is, he will get lazy, maybe even feel like the relationship isn’t working. He’ll become complacent and take you for granted.

So how do you flip this situation?

You’re going to STOP. Stop and just BE. You’ll still be loving and communicative, but you are going to stop organizing your dates, your trips. He is going to step up to be the master planner. When he does arrange something, as much as a movie date, you are going to be so gracious about it. Thank him, let him know how much you appreciate him. Let him feel like the bee’s knees and the cat’s whiskers. Let him feel more like a man that he has felt with any other woman.

You’re going to suggest things to him that you would love to do together…then just stop. Don’t offer to do anything more to bring the ideas to fruition.

You are going to start to be more private, let him start to want to get closer to you, want to hear about your day.  He’s going to start wondering what is going on in your mind and what you’re thinking. He’ll start to want to get closer to your heart, and not just your body. He’s going to want to draw you closer.

You are going to guide him to be the partner you need in a relationship. You are going to express what you desire from him and where you want your relationship to go.

When you start to believe in your worth and start to unearth your strengths as a woman, you can use these to make your man more devoted, and more willing to serve you. You give him the gift of allowing him to be the masculine energy in your relationship.